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Below is easily one of the most helpful tools in my mental and emotional life. It has helped me clear numerous limiting beliefs in record time, clear my daily frustrations as if they were on an etch-a-sketch, work on deep emotional issues, and allow me to pursue what’s important in life with a clear head.

I’m not trying to sell some product. I just happen to sound like a late-night infomercial when I talk about it. Oh, and it’s basically free. It’s called re-evaluation co-counseling, or RCC for short.

I described this process in a previous post about improving relationships but in this post, I want to focus more on the individual benefits of it. In case you didn’t read the previous one, here is a quick synopsis of Co-counseling.

In simple terms, it is two people talking together. The difference in this case, however, is that only one person talks at a time and the other does not offer advice or comment. It is about listening carefully and giving your full, loving attention to the other person while he/she is talking. You can easily try it with a friend.

The procedure is rather simple. Two people, in this case you and your friend, agree that you will take turns listening to one another without interruption for an agreed upon time. One person talks first and each person talks for an equal amount of time. The person who talks can talk about whatever he or she wants to talk about. The listener listens wholeheartedly without interrupting to offer suggestions, comments, advice, or how he or she is feeling. After the agreed upon time, the roles switch. That’s it.

What is so incredibly amazing about this process is that, having someone just listening and paying attention to you, and you only, is a wonderful gift. For 20 minutes, or however long it may be, you have someone’s undivided and loving attention, while you get to talk about whatever may be on your mind. If you are feeling sad, frustrated, or confused, just talking things out fully to someone that’s listening does wonders in just releasing those emotions. By the end, you get a wonderful weightless feeling of having those negative emotions unburdened from you. To top it all off, it’s basically free (taking a class on it isn’t however).

Co-counseling isn’t for “crazy” people or “people with problems” who need to seek therapy. It is for anyone who wants to clear their mind and be free from emotional distress.

Here are some basic guidelines to try it out on your own:
- take turns listening to one another
- listen respectfully
- be, sound, and act pleasant with the person talking
- encourage that person to keep talking
- never tell anyone else what was discussed in a session, so as to keep confidentiality
- don’t give your opinion or advice
- don’t interrupt
- when counseling and you notice the other person is distressed over something in particular, don’t underestimate the power that being a thoughtful, attentive, and kind listener can have on relieving that distress
- do not be afraid to cry, laugh, be angry, shake, or tremble off those distresses. That’s how we get rid of them

I can not stress enough the wonders that co-counseling has done for my life. Every week I am happier, more relaxed, confident, and clear-headed about myself and what I want to do in my life. Just try it once with a friend. If you want to find an RCC class near you, check out www.rc.org.

photo credit Eliya

As always, please feel free to email me what you think, criticisms, questions, or even a friendly hello at ben [at] creativecourage [dot] org. I would love to hear from you!