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Today, I am proud to present a collaboration project between me a four other personal development bloggers. Each of us is sharing what we have learned from our greatest fears. I hope you are able to connect with at least one of our stories.

Kim Maglinti from Mindset Success Coaching – Overcoming Fear

Greg Blencoe from Positive Waves Baby – What I have learned from my greatest fear

Ben Lumley from 6aliens.com – What have you learnt from your greatest fear?

Therese Miu from ThereseMiu.com – Stepping out into the unknown-How I transformed one of my greatest fears

Ayo Olaniyan from Discovering Purpose – Lessons learned from our greatest fears

When I first went over the idea for this series with Kim, I imagined that this topic would be fairly easy. There are lots of things that I fear, but the one thought that kept coming up was about failure. I can think of many instances in which I’ve screwed up, let someone down, and messed up big time, but even though I found it difficult to think of a time in which I legitimately failed, it still comes up as one of my biggest fears.

I am far from saying that I am perfect or an ideal person by any means. What I mean is that I am hard pressed to think of an instance in which I messed up so irreversibly that it was considered a total waste of either money, time, people’s expectations, or even my expectations.

My first summer away from home (after 5th grade), I was given $200 of spending money. About $50 was meant to be for spending and the rest in the case of an emergency. I spent all of it, and then some (still owe some Pakistani kids some money), before the end of the month. I learned how NOT to spend money.

Sure, that’s a rather benign example. Then there’s the time in high school I completely pushed my mother away. Yeah I screwed up big time, but we eventually resolved our conflicts and became closer.

The one event I do have difficulty letting go of is what I chose to do after high school. At 15, I was already tired of academia and wanted a break from it, so I began looking into programs to take time off. Perhaps I could intern on a marine biology vessel, or perhaps I could do a language immersion program in Taiwan, or even better, spend several months in Colorado backpacking, rock climbing, kayaking, and camping! I was so pumped to do something that sounded exciting on my own terms for once! But what did I do- went to college as expected.

It wasn’t a choice that I proactively made that I regretted, it was the decision I chose not to make that I regret. I regret that I let the choice be made for me. And in this case, I did fail.

Call it friends, family, reason, or society. Whatever you choose to call it, it was that all encompassing pressure that surrounds you whenever you want to make a decision that bucks the norm. It begins to follow you wherever you go, tempting you to just keep staying on the path you are on. I got scared and let myself stay on that path. I allowed myself to take the easy decision. Yes, I learned from the experience but at that time, I failed myself by not making a choice.  And that’s what scares me the most. I’m afraid of failing myself. I’m afraid of not having the courage to live up to who I want to be.

Even though I enjoyed college immensely, it still hung over my head that I wasn’t there because I chose to but because it was what was expected of me. I was there because I didn’t make a choice, because I was too afraid to make one.

It isn’t the act of making mistakes, the scares me. I know that if I follow through with my ideas, no matter if I don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean I’ve failed because I learned something and continue to move forward. What scares me is thinking that I may not have the courage to even make those mistakes in the first place. I’m afraid that one day, I’ll succumb to the pressure again and not make the choice I want to make.

I have to remind myself that hearts can be healed and confidence can be restored, but regret for something that you didn’t do cannot be changed. So when in doubt, make a choice and at worst, learn from it and laugh at it later!

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What’s your greatest fear?